POEM STELLIUM

When it comes to others, I have an endless bucket of empathy. However, when it comes to myself, my stress container is often overflowing and flooding my life. I can’t seem to take the same words of wisdom on board.

It comes so naturally to me to be a listening ear in both my personal and professional life. I am happy to step into that role and offer words of encouragement, support or signposting to professional help. In general, there is advice I find easy to give but tough to take:

● Be kind to yourself
● It’s ok to ask for help.
● Mistakes don’t define you.
● Your wants and needs are valid.
● You’re enough.
● You are loved.
● You are wanted.
● You are not alone.

All of these titbits are incredible pieces of advice – I know I am not alone in being able to dish it out, but incapable of treating myself with the same respect. Empathy is the key to understanding and sharing feelings – why is it that I find it so difficult? I think some of this may be down to fear.
The fear of being judged by someone else, and of not living up to expectation.

In these situations I feel it is important to take a step back and then externalise – if I was a friend to myself, what would I say? Would I judge the friend for their thoughts? Would I think someone wasn’t enough? This is when I then come back to the same advice I give others. This is when
the penny drops. I am worthy of the same empathy and the same kindness as others. I am entitled to the same help. I think the biggest lesson is to empower myself to take the power back, and away from the fear.

It is also worth remembering the benefits that self compassion has on your mental health. It can help with increasing your self esteem and emotional resilience. So how do we do this? How can we get better at caring about ourselves?

To help yourself get into the habit, it is helpful to think about being present – reflecting each day on the things you are grateful for, no matter how small. If challenges are presented or things don’t go the way you expected, it is helpful to get in the habit of reflection, reframing and resetting – looking at any opportunities that may be present. It is ok to have negative thoughts,
but it is important not to dwell on them.

Another great one is self care – this is such an important tool. Self care can be many things and different for each person; a bubble bath, reading a book, a hike, cooking a meal or talking with a friend are all examples of this. It is important to invest time in caring for yourself and your interests – doing the things that make you happy, again it doesn’t matter how small this may be.
Little by little, we may find that we are being our own cheerleader, and that the critical voice is getting quieter.

Written by Katie Ingram

Blogger @Poemstellium

Instagram: @katieingramauthor