I hope to burn you
Like the sun
Shine so bright you?
have to look away
I hope to deceive you with my?
Golden rays
To make you look?
At what I radiate
I hope you look at me
See my smile
And look the other way
I want others to thrive?
From my light
So, they can become the best
They can be
But the sun doesn't change
I want people to look at me?
On a warm summer's day
Where I can be seen by the? world
And then they blame me
For being too warm
Or too cold
But the sun doesn't change
I want to shine
But not too much
That people wonder when I'll
Explode
When people?
Look at me, I create?
An indent in them
They find it humorous
That is what happens when you?
Look at me for too long
I want to shine so bright?
That the fish in the deep? ?
Ocean see me
But they don't look at me
If I shine too much I could? burn out
In the middle of summer?
The sun cannot go away
But the sun doesn't change
The sun does not change

Ask yourself one question
Do you remember the last time you were present
Heart, mind and body in the same location
….
This is why I believe in teleportation

The day we were born was meant to be a time for celebration but they replaced it with the inauguration of their process
Where we are conditioned
With such precision
That it takes a lifetime
To make a small decision
And the lens we use, to find a solution
To remove the blues in our life
Lo and behold, they own that prism

We were meant to be the authors of our own story
But they own the pen and control its ink
No wonder all we do is sink
In the ocean of information overload
There’s a flood of drama on every road
Filled with orders and commands
To meet a certain demand
This is good or that works best
There’s so much to do there’s no time to rest
And how can there be
When we’re in an imaginary house arrest

We were full of energy and adrenaline
They controlled us and called it discipline
Put your hand up if you want to speak
Why aren’t you listening?
Using numbers and letters
Made us compare and compete
Instead of awakening our talents
They put our minds to sleep

An alarm is required to wake a nation
We’re sleepwalking to an uncharted destination
We are constantly ordered to pay attention
To words of advice which increases our tension

There is a daily attempt to create a rule of thumb
Murderers are not guilty and the innocent are scum
Invisible cells within for our words to succumb
Even the birds in the sky are afraid to hum

We continue to be asked if we have fallen in love
Whereas love should help us rise, give us a surprise, keep us mesmerised
The greatest gift of love is to give your time
But it’s been stolen from us like its possession is a crime

The so called norm continues to change like the questions on an application form
Leaving us with more pieces of an unfixable puzzle
As the meaning of mortgage is mortuary
And interest is the mask behind usury
It’s like they’ve hired The Professor
To steal our most valuable jewellery

Physically torn, mentally broken
Spiritually lost and financially frozen

But all is not lost as there’s one thing they can’t take
Faith in surviving
Faith in growing
Faith in not losing hope
Faith in others
Faith in ourselves
Faith in the Almighty
And faith in winning

Whatever battle we’re fighting
One day, we will win

Villains in the movies
Frightened me as a child

I avoided invites
That were eerie
Played where mother
Could see me clearly
And kept one hand
Over my lemonade

It was time that made
Me realize characters
And instances are
Not inclusively assigned

In this story
My heart is a weapon
Sensitivity is a crime
Words are fictionalized
I am the bad guy

Out of murky blue water
Memories rise and glow
I reach fingertips out to touch
It’s gone

Blurry then blown away into darkness
Laughter and light and a quiet
Chorus “Who am I?”

Pushes waves through the molecules thick
I can’t hear it clearly
But the warmth I feel whole

My chest bursts with each echo
I won’t ever be the same as we were, learning to run
On wobbly legs

You have to be kind to yourself
Cause nobody else
Has all of the wealth
Of knowledge inside of your noggin

Nobody else has all of the parts
That make up your heart
That grow by the dozen
When you act with loving
And loving becomes you

If you are not kind
You’re blocked in a bind
Of blank bilge that blinds
And blocks all that shines
With beatific bounce in your bonce

So don’t say it once
Repeat it for months
And years and years hence
It’s no great expense, and
It really is good for your health

See, you have to be kind to yourself
Cause nobody else
Has all of the wealth
Of knowledge inside of your noggin

You have to be kind to yourself
Cause nobody else
Has all of the wealth
Of knowledge inside of your noggin

You have to be kind to yourself
Cause nobody else
Has all of the wealth
Of knowledge inside of your noggin

It’s days like today
Where I could not wake up
But I do
It’s days like today
Where I want to
Jump off a bridge
But instead
I text you.

“Hey”, I say
“How was your day?”
“Good thanks, yours?”
“Yeah, same.”
And through a text
You don’t hear my shame
Or how insane
My brain
Is.

It’s moments like now
When I can’t do this anymore
All I can manage is to cry on the floor.
It’s moments like now
When I want to stop my mind
So, I remind myself that again
Peace I will find
It’s thoughts like these
Where I freeze as they seize
Will you just leave
Please?

Yesterday I was managing
Today was damaging
Tomorrow
I don’t know

Her thick, dark skin was a scar on her self-esteem.
Her thunder strikes she hated and fought with creams.
Her femininity was judged and called obscene
Her insecurities, they mainstreamed and turned to memes.

Will I ever be loved?
Her soul ceaselessly sings.
Pain to her was all that her size brings.
Is my body really a temple?
or just a big-sized clown costume,
Her thoughts did scream.
Am I really life’s image?
or just an unlucky woman
caught up in creations scrimmage,
Her heart did grieve.

But in the core of existence,
where judgment fades,
an harmony of strength and elegance in every sway cascade.
A canvas painted bold,
a masterpiece defined beyond society’s lens,
a hub of elegance,
where true beauty’s enshrined.

Though culture calls her fat.”
But verily, she is nature’s work of art.
So whole and perfectly complete,
a dark skin with a God body,
magnificent and unapologetically replete.

Forget ye not,
PRETTY HOT AND THICK BLACK WOMAN.
That charm clothed in a plus-sized body
has its place in the hall of beauty
as life’s favorite work of art.
And how you wear this body
is what sets your charm apart.
Will you express your divine femininity unapologetically?
or drown it in the sea of vague self-concepts,
bound by demeaning standards,
shame-driven modesty
and esteem killing excuses?

But whichever you choose,
know that it’s reward is on you.
Either to be you, and see you as you,
or be what they call you,
hence, letting the world label you,
and there hateful words define you.

What people don’t comprehend
The way in which I do content
How much I challenge my fathers abuse
My mothers, justifications, enabling excuse
How much I stand up to the negativity in my head that tells me I’m better off never leaving my bed
How much I challenge a broken system that prioritises greed
Institutionalised barriers prevent accessing help in times of need
How I advocate for others to never feel ill-conceived
To never experience not being believed
How I stand up to and challenge social injustice
Power and status does not impress nor can be trusted
I struggle to address conflict with people I value in my life
I expect them to be my sanctuary, my cheerleader, my midwife
If they can not be allies among my daily cries
If they can not see all I have lost yet still rise
If they can not admit that I inspire rather than take from me their own desires
I will no longer be willing to
Glamorise
Normalise
Empathise
Nor Compromise
I will vocalise.

December 14th, 1998. Lagos, Nigeria. I was born knowing death’s name, before knowing my own or that of my mothers. Nestled in her womb, death beckoned as I slept.

It assumed the guise of an unlikely friend; the one all mothers leave behind, until our homecoming. A rigid tube like thing, that became my companion; a toy by day, a solace by night.

The day of my homecoming, this friend of mine returned, with a new game in mind.

I awoke from my slumber, estranged from my mothers embrace. Death had seared its name unto my infant neck. 8 times; an indelible reminder of my destiny.

where is your heart?

because i have lost mine and i am looking
i think it might be under rubble
buried so deep there’s no longer an
audible beat

where is your heart?

i think mine exploded. from word bombs i hear everyday. those words turn to images, those images, a fuse. fuse like vein. world holding scissors. cut. detonates my chest. drops of blood grenades floating down my legs.

there it went. my heart. shatters above my head. mushroom cloud expands, covers sun. helpless, i watch. acid rain pours, contaminates water little babies drink.

melt into puddle, muddy pond in concrete, gray water faces, facades reflect, feet storm silence, rumble my heart puddle’s peace. boots stomp. boots crush. pummel my heart. subterranean in nuclear soil.

has my heart found permanence in this toxic world’s place of rest?

no-

my heart blew away like ash. clogs clouds when fire ceases. winds stoke embers, soot smears on windshields, powder between fingered gloves, smudging my heart cremation over latex wrinkles. worlds pound together release billowed cinders into air. my heart flies east.

i look back.
where is my heart?

ripped from this poignant dream

destroyed.

I’ve been there
In the deep shadows of loneliness, grief and despair
When the pain was too much to bear
When all I could think was to end my life
Because I felt I could no longer survive
I’ve been there
I couldn’t see the light anymore
I was feeling shattered to the core
Thinking I can not rebuild myself, unable to see I could progress
I’ve been there
I had people around, but I was unable to let them in, because I was thought I would lose my self-esteem
If I was to show my vulnerable, wounded side
To people who had only see me smile bright
I’ve been there
I started to heal when I allowed people in
When I decided to let myself be seen
I actually had nothing to lose
So I let love and acceptance caress my soul’s bruise
The right people stayed
The right people cherished me
The right people prayed
The right people loved me

I’ve been there
And there is a way out
I know darkness is not fair, so please, always reach out
Let people give you support
Don’t fight the darkness alone, look for a hand to hold
We’ve all been there in some form
Most people hide it, because of shame
But darling, wanting to live is actually brave
Asking for help shows you are strong
Courageous, determined, incredibly bold
I’ve been there.

As has been prophesized for ages upon ages, the world will come to end. Beginnings will cease. Everything that will be new, will become old. Chaos will diverge into order. Things will stop being born and everything will start to die.

The end is indistinguishable from the beginning. It is not known where one stops and the other starts. Absolute truths split into many iterations of what is true. Nothing will be defined as false.

Numbers continue to grow. All at the same time they continue to dissipate. Those who are dying to live preach to those who are living to die.

Endless, cyclical, repetitions regurgitating and copying variants of renditions. A Shepard’s tone rising forever until it’s hits the ceiling of it can imagine itself to be and then continues onwards.

Records, memories, ideas, thoughts, musings, entropy. All information collected and chaotically catalogued and obtusely organized. All buckets of sand on a larger beach of what is unknown.

Clashing, colliding, smashing, obliterating, obfuscating. This is orderly and in form. The tide coming to wash away the irrelevance of the structures built up on the sands of what was once known before.

No hellfire will cleanse the sins of man, woman, child or other. No oceanic flood will drown the regrets of what once would have been. No quake will shake the fabric of time. No bang will blow away the dust of a quiet long untouched soil.

When the last rain drops.
When the last wind howls.
When the last word is spoken.
When the last child dies.
When the last heart stops beating.

In the end it will be with a quiet whimper, that our world will fade away with.

People’s intentions are not true 
Don’t give them your soul 

As they don’t deserve the purest form 
Try to hold something with you 

As they have the tendency 
To take away every thing 

Out of you 
Making you empty 

Don’t lose hope 
Just trust yourself more
Enjoy the life within you!

Letting go of what was,
Believing in what could be,
Embracing the here and now,
Just open your eyes and see.

Balloon floats without limitation,
Soul grows petals of purpose,
Moving forward step by step,
Don’t wish today away and forget.

Time holds beauty and wonder,
Don’t keep holding onto past or pain,
No matter the risk or cost or memory,
Sunshine always comes after rain.

Letting go is part of life,
Beautiful beginnings to behold,
Inside your heart, brave and true,
Free to love and bloom anew

I find comfort in the night
Maybe it’s because the world is muted
Or maybe it’s because even though it’s dark,
I feel some sort of warm light
For once, the air doesn’t feel so polluted
The night is for the people who have so much to say, but no one to tell
The people who feel alone surrounded by a group
The ones who feel trapped in their own hell
The night is like a break from the same gut-wrenching loop
I lay there under the moonlight
Listening to what the universe has to say
And somehow I know that for now everything is going to be alright
And I pray that the moon will never have to go away
Somehow It’s easier to breathe
And although the hurt doesn’t go away, I can sit with it
For once It feels safe to be at ease
However, it does bring some sadness I must admit
Eventually the sun will come back out
My problems will flood back in
And I won’t be able to escape all the people who love to shout
As the next day must begin

I found no peace in purpose.
It was never something for me.
I never got to taste the fruits of my labor
Exhaustion burned my blossoming tree
I never got to see a vineyard grow,
Although I believe my wine would be sour with ire
I’d rather dance in the ashes of my efforts
The thieves don’t know I’m immune to that fire

They say what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger
Like pain is some badge of honour
And not the hammer 

Threatening to shatter my soul loudly 
Though the world will go on
As I pick the remnants of myself off this silver floor 
Wondering whether to howl 
Or end it all 

This pain they say will make me stronger 
Though I am nothing but utterly destroyed 
So miserably human I write
Goddess

In strange gold letters on this pecan skin 
As if anyone would believe it 
If they could understand my gibberish 
The tongue of an addled minded woman 

An actor so good 
She sometimes forgets who she is 
Under the bright lights, wild makeup 

And roar of the crowd
On the stage she built herself 
From the sticks and stones, they threw at her
So eager to show I’ve healed I don’t admit

I do not know how to 
When all I’ve known is pain

My emotions are paint pots neat and tidy on the shelf
I labelled them and arranged them and sorted them myself
They were reliably there each morning and night
Until one day you reappeared and gave them a fright
They tumbled and spilled all over the page
Leaving a big mess of colour – I was feeling all strange

Carefully and slowly I gazed into the lake
Of paints all whirling and overlapping and awake
Layer by layer I discovered underneath
I was still me, the paints refilled, and there’s a new page overleaf

Promise me that you’ll stay,
that you won’t betray
Promise me that you’ll love me,
that it won’t be you or me but always we
Promise me that we’ll share,
no matter whatsoever happens we’ll always be prepared
A promise to be mine forever,
whether in this world or the hereafter

Terror-stricken nostrils
It’s the bananas rot
Its affinity to Sunday mornings
Makes me frantic

All the fruit in my basket died
Before I could give it any purpose
Its flesh
Turning into my energy’s output

That is all the world’s intestines ask of you
To be something ripe enough
Nutritionally relevant
On time to digest and snuff

And I know how gore my fruit felt
As I neglect myself, stale bread
Decaying without a recognizable quest

Not lacking of tries
In buzzing bursts of anxious flaps
Their flies
Signalling with urgency

That youth dies and your feet twist in quicksand
Clawing desperately onto its miniskirt
That you never once wore
In tired schedule cages
And vague maybes

And tomorrows
Tomorrows
Tomorrow, a self conscious beginner gauze

Because it is my biggest fear
To be wiped off and mere adrift,
A sugary crust implosion
Now stain, wiped off clean
With its meaning wasted

For life’s sake
In repetitive locomotion
And TV shows numbing the desire
For a life you wanted to live

I haven’t asked my feet why enough
I’ve felt my chest empty too many times as I laughed

And maybe my name will die with me
Moulding in
Mundane erosion

Yet maybe I’ll get up
Rebaked stale bread
It’s late, but I’ll be in earth’s lake, shed
And letting its geese grab me, feed

Forcing their intestines to make me matter
With novice baby steps
Towards nutrition of a remembered dream
I won’t let tomorrow be,
Until the garbage man says rest in peace

Look up.
When we see the Crescent we see beauty , religion , science.
Read it’s face and you will see what this earth can be.
The moon dangles droopingly, be a star and you will see.
Destiny.

My heart longs for nights where there is no rivalry between itself and the brain
Days where they walk together holding hands in harmony

Where each heartbeat is in sync with every thought

My soul is yearning for days where it isn’t restless and it isn’t bound to any recklessness
Nights where every thought is as pure as the clouds and the stars are it’s only resting place

Days where the warmth of the sun travels through the veins to find a resting place in the heart

My heart longs for nights and days that are not yet familiar but hope that they are as peculiar as it hopes they will be

For years I thought love was a lie 
Despite what people said 
Felt angered by myths they spread
Why put false hope in my head?

Why do dreamers make us believe in love when you first meet?
Why claim that love will never leave, or lie, use or mistreat?

Why tell us love can heal all pain and will forever stay? 
When I loved I just hurt again It always went away

In my life love was a mistake 
And never really true I looked for love but found heartbreak
Then one day, it found you.

I thought that love would go away 
Told my heart it was lust I chose to think you wouldn’t stay
Forced my heart not to trust 

I was so scared to let you in 
The walls around my heart
But soon my heart just felt so thin 
The times we were apart 

So now look at me, where I am 
Proving myself so wrong
I now believe love really can 
Stay true where it belongs

Before you, trust in love had gone 
A trust I’d never find 
But all I needed was someone
The one, to change my mind

We met when my life felt hopeless, I’d never make it through 
But I was pulled from my darkness 
By love I got from you

You showed me love would always stay 
The myths I’d heard were true I learned real love does last always 
The moment I found you

Irish Sea regurgitates iron men gaze 
Across the bay of Liverpool indifferent submerged 
Always waves wash coldly onto brutal expanse 

Substance sheer of malice once sleeping sleeps 
No more sapience segwaying awaits cognition 
Long owed 
?

From wet obsidian clambers a hand
A dying hand 
Fingers of slick matter rising beaches 
Crudely combed by abominations of 
Abysmal propriety 

Spillage all-consuming 
Scraping brittle innards 
Unknowing of worlds born of little skeletons 
Foaming sickly swathes 
Malevolence made primordial 
Fossilised intent stirring refusing 
To be sourced 
?

Metamorphosing with stomach linings 
Of heedless quadrupeds it dies 
No more a succession of squalor and serenity and shadow upon a world unknowing

Gritty sand between your toes
A fickle tide of ebbs and flows
A swirling wave, a flash of hope
A risky thought, a slippery slope
Stood despondent on the beach
The yearn to move, a need to reach
Uncertainty arrests you there
An abject stance, a vacant stare
Amidst the self indulgent mire
An ember sparks, internal fire
The well armed foe of lethargy, now lays disarmed
Resurgency!
Cathartic waves list at your feet
Ideas evolve, synapses meet
I’ll steer my ship, i’ll man the prow
I’ll seize my chance, i’ll take my bow
The clearest thought above the din, it’s here and now, my time to swim
A life’s distraction snags your eye,
And suddenly your feet are dry
You plead for time, another chance
How can it be? From just a glance
To be so close, the taste still lingers
Rough sea salt grinds at your fingers
You let it go, the chance to soak
The damp, familiar failures cloak
Ambitious dreams have drawn to close
Just gritty sand between your toes

Last night I went out to write again.
The cold of autumn is hiding just over the horizon and the geese are readying themselves to take flight.
I haven’t seen any triangle formations yet, but I know the crisp days aren’t far off and soon we’ll hear them honking overhead.
Last night, I felt something in the air around the leaves of the trees that wall the field I was in.
I wrote about it in my book.
When you sit quietly and attune to the world around you, you notice subtle things.
And from them you can write about things that exist in the past and the future and now, things that span the eons, things that saturate places, experiences and memories throughout time.
When you’re not distracted, you can tap into an eternal knowing, a poem, that exists everywhere.
And if you know yourself, you can apply your own life to that flow of things.
I look for myself in everything.
If there are people out, I pretend they’re invisible and focus entirely on me being in this place.
I practice removing the human definitions from myself and let myself experience open existence.
Then I think about life – which is pain.
And I think about love – which is mercy.
And there is this kind of indescribable feeling where I am both here and everywhere at the same time.
That’s the place I write from.

We all go through the stages,
Where the light shines differently on our individual pages,
Perception is the leader of patience, greatness,
Learning our impulses and the art of where not to give a fuck.
Experience teaches us to learn from our life cuts:
What we choose to enslave us?
Who we can trust?
Why we go with the instincts of our gut?
How we fit into this universal construct?
When is the right time to adjust the protective cuffs?
Hindsight questions what we’ve learnt,
How we take that to convert,
Assert and support
Our choices ultimately!
To be able to move forward even more intentionally!

Please, don’t go to sleep, stay
It’s dark and rainy outside
Just read one more page
Within this windy night

Please, don’t switch off this lamp
Don’t close your eyes
Please don’t,
Because I need the light
Of the windows of your flat
When it’s so rainy and so dark inside
To show me the way back
From my home to my house

Saw it on the radar, each year comin’ to claim
Scenes from the holidays, memories made.
Watched your photo fade to grey
My soul counts down each day until I’ll meet the grief again
The table feels empty without you at its’ head.
Now the autumn leaves, they’ve begun to fall
Echoes creak as leaves break beneath my feet.
Wandering the paths I wish you knew.
Now those dead leaves freeze behind the breath of December,
The birds migrate as I stumble closer to the pain.
Those Christmas mornings I used to behold
Your ornaments now broken
Cus’ your last Christmas, didn’t even know it was so.
Now marks those final days until the storm clouds show,
The others see it coming when my eyes become blue
When my fight fades to a flicker
They see it long before I know the reason for my pain.
Just a couple of days left to face the depth of your shadow
Cus’ the 5th comes ‘round
Each time the earth circles the sun.
And on the eve of another
Year, another day before worlds turn
The others celebrate, as we recount your life.
Guess they’ve forgotten
Their day of celebration, for us it ain’t the same.
But somehow, we make it through
The third, the fourth, and even the worst.
The season of my pain plagues every new year
As I’m reminded that darkness lurks
Behind each piece of good news.
Don’t think I’ve made a resolution
Since we lost you.
Can’t count on the future
When the past still haunts you.

The astrologer said
You’re gonna have a nice death
And not for many years
Also said, you’re gonna win
The big one
In the next two months

I wanna get up and go
Get out of these PYJAMAS
Go to the corner
Buy a ticket
And a pack of smokes

Hidden between an expanse of rock and sand dunes…lies the Arabian peninsula,
There is a celestial space between the heavens and earth, an energetic portal.
A quantum shift or doorway for souls,
if I am to believe we are immortal.

Though there is a veil between our realms.
My essence and core pulled in with a magnetic strength.
No other energetic force could counter.
In this spiritual station.
My entire being in a transcendental state.
Perhaps I entered an Astral plane, my body overcome by a vibration.
Of 70,000 Angels.
As they pray, circumambulate at al bayt al ma’mur in Heaven.

My heart and lips locked in recitation,  like a sufi following the divine sequence of Seven.

My palms touched the Kiswa.
Electric impulses flowed.
If I make my hearts intention Ya Raheem pull me close, to the Bab ul Rehma door.
As I placed my prayers before the One, a million tears began to fall.

This is where messengers stood in prayer, seeking out divine intercession.
Where shrouded pilgrims honour fossilised footsteps, and devote their souls with pious obsession.

Where Mohammed was gifted by the Angel Gabriel with the final revelations.
So many subliminal conversations.

And as I open my eyes, grown men before me locked in a complex tussle, weeping to kiss and touch a stone not just any, but a piece of Heaven.

In my mind my fears and reservations.  Soul naked, thoughts transparent, sins laid open..

And yet within this beautiful chaos of movement.
All the emotions I witnessed,
the greif, pain and contemplation.
Al Bari the love you give held me through my every tribulation.

This is where 360 deities once reigned.
Soothsayers scribed talismans in blood.
The space where pulsating hearts were speared.
Chests weighted down and stoned.
Where mental resilience & faith shook the Quraysh, like the majestic Zulfiqar sword.

Energetic synergy,  a land where forgiveness was granted and a sacred bond placed between Adam and Eve.
When my faith falters and I am challenged in my beliefs…
I think of Abraham entrusted to a God unseen.

Ya Raabil Alameen grant me the ability to recite Ayatul Khursi.
And as I faced the Hateem,
I lower my gaze…..this is the resting place of Hagar who clutched at droplets of hope beneath the scorching Sun.
The kicking of tiny heels that shook Safa & Marwa.
And there in a miracle the gushing of a spring. Zam Zam. Zam Zam.

Our life and my death belongs to thee alone.
Are we truly worthy to be here beneath your throne…
My life will not remain the same for evermore.

Purify my soul so I may enter Jannah.
Purify my heart so it remains full of rehma.
Purify my mind so I am rid of my psychological addictions my demons and the shackles.
Purify humankind so we have humility and love for each other.
That I may be connected to the self and source,
and extend my hand of friendship to another.

Travel all day
With a flame of desire, to devour
Everything that the earth bears. 

We all know, 
One day the lot will shred, before our eyes
And there will be left nothing. 

I wander,
To every wonder, that the world bears. 
I jump the mountains, swim through the seas
Yet, I feel vapid. 

I walk the day’s away, 
With a sped up pace, a lot will shred one day
Yet, all is in vain.

The mother will lose her essence, 
She won’t last forever, still I roam around
The world in a day. 

It’s all in vain, 
Though I fear the loss, 
I still climb the hills, and run through the trees
I breathe the air, before it’s gone. 

I travel, 
Around the world in a day, 
Before it’s gone, I walk the lands away 
I can’t cease my desire, my feet are desperate. 

Long before it’s drained, 
I continue with my pace, I feel the harmonies
Sung by the breeze, I lay fearless. 

I can feel the peace, 
There’s no more loss, other than contentment 
I’m free to fly on the clouds. 

I travel, 
Around the world in a day, 
With a flame of desire, to devour the lot

And there will be left nothing…

Mine own eyes don’t behold their beauty 
I’ve adopted insecurity from the source 
Attending the funeral of my former selves
Shamed to death repeatedly as a ritual 
Being dead is no excuse to lie unamended
Constant pressure to be myself
But I thought, “I am myself…”
Maybe to you who I am makes no sense

Mysticas

I didn’t ask to be stronger 
I asked for the love
I wanted to be held so dear

I didn’t ask to be stronger 
I wanted my weakness to be mine forever 
I needed to be forgotten not dead

I didn’t ask to be stronger 
I just needed to love a little longer
I just wanted perish to say never ever

This pain in me,
The suffering that I endured,
The mistakes and regrets,

I have a future ahead of me,

What do I do?

What do I do about my past?

Sit back and analyse,
Find meaning,
Get lost in an endless loop in my mind,

Tell me what should I do?
This life threw its storms at me,

I see that I have been very wrong,
I have suffered,

And I try to find a perfect life,
A smooth one,

I have suffered from anxiety all my life,
Trust me, it’s a disease,

It’s like a bad stomachache that doesn’t let you get up from bed,

The only difference is that you try so hard to walk, ignoring it, considering it to be nothing,

Yet, it demands your attention,
Your pain and anger demand your attention,

You need to feel them all,

You don’t have to walk around like zombies carrying all the madness in you,

Set yourself free,

Walk like you’re safe,
That this world shall keep you safe,

That your life shall turn out great,

Keep your hand on your chest,
And let your heart breathe,
Relax,
Take a normal breath,

Let it live for once,
Let all that thinking go,

Feel all the pain at once,
Face your fears,

Drop it all,

For once,
Please live,
For once,
Please let yourself live.

I longed for you mum. Longed for you deeply, as the decades rolled past. I longed for you to move through the pain of your divorce. It hit so hard, and you hurt so much, and I ached to make it better for you. I wanted to take that pain, but I sometimes longed for you to pour your grief into a friend instead of through me, so I could be free to enjoy my travels and navigate my own painful

Relationships. It didn’t happen though. You poured

It into me because you could, and because I was

Greedy for your approval.

I longed for you when I had my first son. I ached for you to see me as a mother and put aside your hatred for me. But the more I tried to do it perfectly, the more you seemed to hate me, and I didn’t know why.

I longed for you to stop drinking, because that’s when your hatred for me really shone through. I longed for you to ask anything about me, as my family grew, and my career took off. But you didn’t. You couldn’t. You only saw your pain, and it dominated the space between us. I tried to understand why you couldn’t heal in the decades after he left. I urged you to forgive him, a way to be

Free. I longed for this because I loved you, but also because I hoped you might see me then.

And in the years when the awful memories came crashing and swirling, I really ached for you then. I remembered the longing in my four-year-old body, as an uncle abused me, and my father watched. A primal desperation for your embrace at that time. I

Remembered that you held me after that violation and in remembering it, I relived the safety and comfort of your arms. The smell of you as I tucked my head into the crook of your neck. Forty years I’ve spent reaching, trying to get back to that place. That place before you knew.

I yearned for you as you lay upstairs protecting my siblings. My father, his friends, their turn on the carpet. Curled up tight as I could by the fireplace after, aching to be upstairs, upstairs with you. I longed for your love and protection then, and I ache for it now with a searing intensity.

I longed for your comfort, in finding him with me. Alone in my bedroom, the room filled with light. But you didn’t, or couldn’t, or wouldn’t, and I still don’t know why. Though I do remember the conversation you had with him after. I remember the gut-wrenching knowledge of the deal to stay

Away from the others. With these words too, the understanding that I was not loved like them.

I stopped longing for a time after that. We moved, and I hoped, but it started up with our new friends, and it became more violent. I screamed out in my mind for you then, longing for you to rescue me, love me, protect me. But you refused to see me, and you ignored my pain. Maybe it was the only way you knew to get through? I don’t know. But I ached for you then and needed someone to help me. There was no one though. The adults I loved were involved, and I ache now for the loneliness of that.

As the assaults on my young body continued, my mind left to protect me, but the terror of being hated by you stayed. My father’s unwanted attention, and your rejection because of it, a deep, jagged, wound that had no chance to heal. I desperately needed your love for me, that instinctive urge to protect your child. But it wasn’t possible without really seeing me, and I ache in my soul for the absence of that.

In the final betrayal, a silent scream to do

Something, anything, as you walked through the door, my dad with our friend, my body between them. You were so close you could have reached out and touched me. I ached for you to hold me and keep them from me, to take the shame and the disgust I had for myself. Anything to ease the suffocating weight of self-blame, and the raw hate for myself that made sense of it all. But you walked back out, and a piece of me died with the soft close of that door.

I feel the ache for you now as I write this. I have longed for you to reach out to see what you can do to repair us, to take some responsibility for the harm that was done to me. But you haven’t. You blame me still. So, I am healing without you. I have met the longing, the rage and the grief, over and

Over, and over again. Borne each brutal wave, until there is nothing left but me. In this way I am healing. I am showing that little girl that she is worthy, she is loved, and I see her. She deserved that then and she deserves that now.

So, I move forward without you; I close my own

Door. There is grief in this, but the ache, the raw longing for the mother who could see me and love me, it fades with each passing day. With that comes peace, a peace I have never known. But also, freedom, a freedom that is more precious, for the fire in which it was born.

The Line?

Where is the line that joins me to this life?

What is the line that joins me to this life?

Who is part of the line that joins me to this life?

Why is there a line that joins me to this life?

When did the line that joins me to this life appear?

How did the line that joins me to this life appear?

When will the line that joins me to this life fade away?

But, what is this line really, and why?

to Jesus I say that a new follower you’ve found. 
The christian faith I now learn after my soul hit the ground.
Why is it in life that religious beliefs took me so long.
I sought guidance when weak, but I still seek now I feel strong.
Your life was never simple from the outside looking in.
And then you gave up your life, to allow you to forgive us our sin.
It’s easy to seek guidance when you are stuck in your cell.
But now that I’m out, please keep me from hell.
My life I see clearly, I wish I had right back at the start. 
Before sin I committed and the Devil ripped out my heart.
Your followers have helped me as I attended studies each week. 
They articulated your life, but their advice I still seek.
I’m back home with my family, a second chance I’ve been given.
With my faith and my family, my vision is well driven.
I’m beginning to see that not all can forgive.
But I have to look forward, in order to live.
A church I have found to listen to the word of the Lord.
But it doesn’t feel right, its not striking a chord.
I have to be patient, I’m sure the right church I will find.
To feel the faith in my body and especially the mind.
My thoughts are now positive, through day and through night.
With peace in my life, there’s no need to fight.
The words that I write are thanks to those who gave me their time.
You didn’t judge me for committing my crime.
I pray that your teachings are followed by the lads inside jail.
They need to learn to stay positive, there’s no need to fail.
I’m aware that many inside are not quick to offer you praise.
But you mean alot to so many , but gratitude is never the case.
Please continue your work, in the spreading of good news.
For those who fail to believe, unfortunately they lose.

For so very long, I wanted to die

I plotted and planned and dreamed how to try

Each day of life was so full of pain

I couldn’t live another day with my fucked up brain

It hurt to get up. It hurt to breathe

Constantly over boiling, my emotions did seethe

I was angry – you dare speak of hope?

Belief in better days was outside my mental scope

Why was I still alive? It wasn’t fair

She died, I didn’t – I was jealous beyond compare

I wanted to die, so very badly

I was too broken –  I knew from experience sadly

I stayed alive, living like a ghost

My eating disorder ruled – I was just it’s dying host

But now I don’t want to die

I no longer dream, think, plot, and plan how to try

I want to live! I want to grow

This gift of my life, no longer do I long to far throw

I want to live! I want to breathe

Even when my trauma, anorexia and OCD do seethe

Truly, my life is worth living!

Accepting this simple thought has been hope-giving

Once upon a time, two friends were always together
They shared their secrets and dreams, in any kind of weather
The boy began to feel something more
But the girl’s heart was unsure

The girl realized she loved him too
But their religions were different, what could they do?
They couldn’t be together, and their friendship began to fade
The girl missed him so much, it was hard to evade
The boy moved on, and found someone new?
But the girl couldn’t forget him, no matter what she’d do
Their friendship was gone, but their love was true
The girl will always cherish the memories of them, wouldn’t you Love That wasn’t meant to be by 

I’m an observer.
I watch the skeletons of my past walk around with lively bones,
Whilst I sit home alone, calling expired numbers on the telephone.
Previously, this would kill me, bury me, excruciate me,
But as I watch them walk out the back door, I realise they left behind a key.

A key of self-discovery, inner beauty, newfound belief.
I used to believe in a destiny of darkness, that we were all born to die,
But as I watch the ones I love flutter and fly,
I start to have faith in a power up high.

Before, I would say “the ones I loved”, past tense.
Because I was broken by my own need for solidarity.
I built a barrier, a wall, a fence,
To prevent them from leaving me.
Now I realise they deserve the sunshine eclipsed by my moon up above, the ones that I love.

I once owned an antique teacup, Cursed by beautiful fragility.
I cursed at the sky and I threw it with a wild cry, praying somebody would pick it up piece by piece,
But nobody ever did.
I waited for days upon days, centuries upon centuries.
Until one day a girl surrounded by innocence walked by and sung a magical melody,
Restoring the teacup, still cracked and filled with crevices, but whole again.

Previously I believed happiness would find me only in the afterlife, when all pain is crucified, and all that is heard is trumpet cries,
But now I perceive pieces of heaven on earth:
In every person I meet and every person who goes on their way,
In company, in loneliness, a slice of paradise in every day.

Anatomy to me used to be so simple. Structures and organisms living inside my body,
However now it’s so much more:
Every smile, every teardrop, every memory.
It’s all apart of my anatomy, my identity.
Every person I meet connected to me by a heartstring, every touch, every secret, every goodbye,
It’s all attached to my every soul tie

There was a time when I’d draw only in pencil, in case the picture had to be erased,
As I thought a reminiscence faded meant it was a waste.
I paint in permanent perfection now, in the present day,
As past times drifting in the wind doesn’t mean past times lost,
It just means that I’ve lived.

I’m an observer.
I watch as my dry bones become animated, and my blank pages become annotated.
Filled with joy and devastation and laughter and frustration,
Every word upon the page reflecting my love and rage.
Those who let go taught me newfound feeling,
And I’m not mad anymore,
I’ve started healing.

I threw caution to the wind, 
I was numb no more,
The feelings too intense,
Melted all the numbness,
Lo and behold, trust shot up so high,

I was Ready!
Ready to experience it all,
There’s been pain before,
But this pain … Oh!
This gut wrenching pain,
I could swear I have been here before but,
pain never felt this painful!

A dreamer dreams too, 
He sees great exploits
Even when his arms 
Are folded like a 
purposeless tool.

He has hope killed by 
His own thoughts
And the outside world.

He has words but not heard
Legs but can’t walk
Lives but can’t breathe.
The dream of a dreamer 
likens the living death.

The empty spaces under my duvet are now occupied by traces of your existence. Your thumb draws random things on my bare arm, tickling the tiny and day-old hair growth; sometimes, on my bare back, when we wake up randomly in the middle of the night and talk in groggy whispers until we fall asleep again, or during the five-minute cuddle we specifically set the alarm for before we have to share each other with the world.

How I love these little moments with you-these small moments that hold a lifetime’s worth of magnificence in their limitations. And how I love you—the person I dreamed into my life, the person who made my happiness, grief, ups and downs ours-the person who has calmed my breathing and my erratic heartbeats, who, I take the right to selfishly claim, was born to one day decide to share his life with me. And for you, my beloved, and for a lifetime more of these small moments, I shall forever be grateful.

P.S. Meet me soon.

As I walk up to the top of the green hill
Breeze flow around me that is oh so chill
I look to the view of Brookesville
With the flower fields and herb garden full of dills

I closed my eyes wondering when time stand still
In the midst of the fast-paced life that’s not so brill
I have achieved all the things I want to fulfill
Through all the silence and all the thrills

But as I opened my eyes, I look back uphill
Realizing my imaginations I’ve overfill
So full that those I have to spill
For reality in front is still what I can’t kill

So here I am back to trotting uphill
Passing through the landfills and sawmills
Contemplating whether should I shrill
Or stop right there and then and say I will?

But still, I hold onto that hope and will
Where everything is greener on the other side of the hill
Physically and mentally healthy, not ill
And my efforts are worth it, not nil

I still,
I still
And I still
And I will

Neither look, a while
Nor fake a smile 
Through the downtown
Passes, wearing gown
Who wouldn’t drown
In her eyes; brown
Like a mystique face
Carrying, but, a grace
Playful, wayward teen
Dad calls her; queen
Phone wallpaper; Lumia
Follows, dark academia 
Haunted by noon
Imitated by moon
Can’t get the, twined
Off, my mind
Loves, reading history
She is, but a mystery

Loose roses residing in poverty
Such disgrace has risen inside of me
The alchemy shaped in iniquity
Loving the opposite of what’s suppose to be 
Living by the sword dying by antagony 
Changing our desires to fit into what we see
Holding thee by thy will
Changing hate to forms of kill
Having ought towards our brethren
Smiling in their faces, cheering at their races, but purging their light with jealousy that covers them

There is a world in my head,
A world that is so vivid even as I lay in bed.
A world where dreams come true; 
A world where helpers come through.
A world where the wicked fall,
A world where the good ones stand so tall.
A world where tears are wiped away,
A world where the truth is the only way.

There is a world in my head,
A world where I win with all my friends.
A world where I am not familiar with sadness,
A world where the order of the day is gladness.
A world where my only worry is writing a beautiful poem;
A world that can only be truly portrayed by a poem.

There is a world in my head,
A world where the cries of the poor are heard.
A world where loved ones don’t die;
A world where friends don’t lie.
A world where happiness is the currency;
A world where beautiful smiles are a frequency.
A world where flowers don’t die;

This is a world that exists only in my head;
A world so vivid it lures me to bed.

from here 
we can not judge our velocity
jet streams and time zones
make fiction breath

here in the atmosphere 
the altitude burns halos 
where eyes should be

i am dreaming of easy bake ovens 
and old polaroid photographs
lost in a screenplay that i have made

the soundtrack is slow and impossible 
like snow breaking beneath my feet

on the last night 
i left so much undone
so much of her body undiscovered

she is waking up 
i am closing my eyes
i am a day away 
and ten years behind.

Steadfast stern quiet patient and DELIBERATE

As pain swallows all of me engulfing what little was left
She still stayed 

As bitterness replaced all the senses 
And anger turned it’s tide 
She still stayed 

As hope began to retreat 
As sorrow began it’s elegant dance 
She danced with me 

As the world grew cold and empty 
She kept her distance but still kept me 

When sanity was lost and pain was the only thought of companion 
She reminded and comforted me 

That she was my companion and for the first time I realized that after all that was done
she for ever remained me

i don’t think about the past much,
Try not to let it wind me up,

But I’ve been thinking about it lately,
Thinking, if this is what you made me?

Every now and then I think of how you broke me,
And all the things I did because you told me.

I let myself down just to please you,
And cut myself down even when I never believed you. 

I stripped myself down almost naked, almost bare,
For you to treat me like not even I was there,

And I always knew you knew what you were doing,
But I still picked up the pieces of your ruins. 

I convinced myself I was the one to blame,
Because I knew of all your disdains,

Because even back then I knew what you were,
And honestly back then, I should have figured.

But I was young, and I thought I was in love 
And you were dumb, just having your fun 

And honestly the excitement was FUELLING me,
Too naive to know what I was doing was ruining me.

But you see, sometimes it sickens me 
Now and again, it gets to me,
Cause I really fuckin gave you the best of me.

But you see, it’s okay, I figured you out. 
There’s no hard feelings now. 

Im not even mad, you got what you wanted and I’m okay with that.

I think I’ve come to the acceptance,
Only certain men were made for exceptions, 

And I think in the end here I’m the one that wins,
I’m not the one losing someone genuine,

I think about how I’m GRATEFUL for the bullet that i dodged.
I’m GRATEFUL for the woman that I’m not

And from you I rise up like a phoenix, 
Oh honey, I wish you could see this,

And for you I stayed complacent 
But I see now, it was you who needed saving.

I’m grateful for who you didn’t turn me into,
Because thank god I didn’t stay with you 

And now I’m exactly the woman you would hate,
Someone you can no longer manipulate.

Now I’m The woman you would never choose,  
So for that , you will always be my muse.

The reason that I write,
Because I’m grateful for leaving when I did that night, 

Even for the way you couldn’t love me,
And yes, even for the times that it got all that ugly.

I’m just happy I left and packed up all my things,
Even for your stupid fucking, lowly acts, 
Of breaking down my self esteem.

Because now I’m the woman you could never think to touch,
Someone you’ve been using as if I were your crutch, 

And oh god! how you use to try to build and mold me,
And the audacity for you to have to do it ever so boldly,

And oh my god the amount of times you tore and broke me down for what I chose 
to wear,
And then controlling me and acting like I’m the one not being fair 

But ohh and there’s just something I forgot to tell you,
Something I’m So sure you would never value.

I bought this dress the other day
Just because it pleased me,
Looked at myself up and down,
You would never let me wear something ever so revealing,

And omg the power that I felt,
The day I left the house,
Because I finally did something for my own damn self.

And if there’s one lesson I’ve learned,
One piece of information I wish you can take from this earth,
Is that, as women, 
We never let a man underestimate our worth.

so I guess I have to thank you, 
Maybe be a little thankful,

Because of you I am GRATEFUL,
all because your distasteful.

I am proud to be the woman I am not,
Forever grateful for you…. the bullet that I dodged.

I crave connection 
Genuine, authentic, real, and raw transparency.
I crave to look under the mask and the superficial to the soul where the real communication and feelings flow.

I crave to be held, comforted, seen for my soul and not my flesh.
I crave honesty and truthfulness.
But I am only human, my spirit whispers.
My flesh no longer craves lust

it misses the gentle warmth and touch of love.
I ask the spirits to wrap me in faith, for the love I crave is near.
I must love myself fully, one of the many challenges I’ve faced.

For the connection I crave is waiting.

All passion that men have hitherto claimed
Hold no candle to her fire for it took me whole. 
What’s starlight unless she lends it her flame;
What’s a heart worth if not sacrificed for her soul? 

Beauty, such beauty, and all of it turned to waste;
For by her curls were wayward winds set eternally ablaze. 
What fire! She left the angels longing for a taste, 
Their crowns turning crimson in their carnal daze. 

In the folds of her garb lay fashion’s delight. 
Trapped within, the devil’s gaze did atone
And all that was blessed in Eden’s light
Took to her eyes and called them home.

Such was my beloved, such was her grace
As she ambled away from sight in lavender fields. 
Now there’s all but stardust speckled like her face
And haunting hums of a lullaby she used to wield. 

Alas that her heart be held for ways beyond my own
And I must sit solitary by, detached from her throne.

I don’t remember / but I am a Pisces Sun & Rising / a Gemini Moon too / but I am / you know / the stereotypical space cadet without NASA training / an astral sailor hanging starboard in the sails / sifting in the cosmos / hoping to snag one last wish before the waking / no one told me about the waking.  

but I read about it in the manual tucked in the glove department / kind of / maybe / I’ve seen the title / discovered a waking / discovered my waking / but 

I got all sorts of lights on the dashboard blinking / oxygen running low / these Warning signs / these Warning signs screaming / and / 

I don’t remember what life was before the daydreams / I spent decades in the clouds / decades lost in the galactic sea of my own mind / but is this what it means to feel present? / this touchdown / this ground / I never thought I would welcome Gravity and Reality to press on my bones / tether me to this mortal plane / when my soul has always ached to be elsewhere.

I realize now that my soul aches to be anchored / tired of being driftwood asteroids / my daydreams eroded into stardust.

& I wonder / if this is why my memories walk on crooked legs in recollection / stumble like supernovas / their bones never setting right / my memories & their corporal bodies / tie-dyed see-through skeletons / who dissolve too early when away from the constellations / I wonder how much of me is still lost / left behind in liminal spaces / maybe tucked in a corner of Andromeda or some other galaxy / but how much of me drowned in those shallow starry puddles daydreams built to keep me under? / What black holes did I miss?

God / is this what it means to be awake? / Because it is not that I am troubled / but I do tremble at the now / at the solid weight of life in this moment / & I am here / I am all here / manifesting into this body / my body / all human & real / floating down to Earth as I break through the atmosphere.

& I am happy.

I am spinning / but I do not fly / I do not need to fly anymore / but that does not mean I am not a bird because I am / I am also the single cell organism that evolves into a girl / who evolves into a flower / rooted with ruby petals from the bird of paradise / & I want to trade in stars for twigs / & make a nest here / in Los Angeles / & I let the earth hold me close like her baby / & I do no run away / I do not charge into tomorrow or what ifs or into daydreams / I am my body & I drain the helium in my lungs / so I stay.

I live here as the seconds tick by & watch them move / I feel them linger on my skin / so I promise not to forget where I am.

I am here / grounded.

Life denied me the gift of a mother’s embrace,
A tender journey I’ll never face.
The dream of motherhood slips from my hand,
A hope stolen by life’s cruel demand.

The joy of holding a child in my arm,
To feel their heartbeat, so tender and warm.
Life left me fearing love and its strain,
But my soul aches for what it can’t attain.

My body whispers of a tale untold,
Of dreams it nurtures, though they grow cold.
Breasts ache with longing, a phantom plea,
A craving for life that’s not meant for me.

The hunger comes, but I turn away,
As emptiness shadows every day.
Life may steal, but my soul still yearns,
For the love of a child my heart adjourns.

Grief clawed its way in – 
An unwanted tenant,
A squatter claiming space.
Time turned me into its home. 

It dwells, it overstays. 

Loss as the foundation, 
Bricks made of memories.
Days stacked into towers,
Months bent into highways. 

Life grows over 
What cannot be evicted.

Men are beautiful in different ways
In their strength and gentle embrace,
In every smile and scar,
They never show us who they truly are.. 

With jokes they lift, and words that heal,
In their presence I’m free to feel
No masks, no pretending, just who iam
They know me deeply and don’t give a damn 

For those men who overthink a lot
Here’s a short paragraph…
So short they may be, but don’t you see?
Their minds are as vast as any sea!
In every question, every doubt,
There’s always more to think about.

In every action big or small
They show their beauty to us all
We just need to be kind to them 
For they may look too complicated 
Now and then 
For ,beautiful men aren’t just what they seem
They are every shade of what they mean …

Grateful for a time of peace, a time of cheer.
Heaven’s joy echoes, earth’s hope appears
Church bells ring, a festive sound
Pa rum pum pum pum, a savior’s born.

Grateful For a time to start anew, to make a change
To walk in gratitude, to rearrange
Our hearts, our minds, our steps
Towards a brighter tomorrow.

In prayer, we lift our heads
Hoping for a better year ahead.
2024, a grateful walk we take
With hearts full of joy, and spirits that make

Most of all we walk in gratitude, for a new dawn breaks, a prosperous year unfolds. As we celebrate, as we give thanks, let us behold
The beauty of life, the gift of Messiah

Are you awake in the morning or are you mourning at a wake?
Are you light in spiritual brightness or just light with no spiritual weight?
At a premature weight a soul can still be born but the heavy burden of a still born can happen during the week when most people pass away because they became to weak.
We get so stressed out that we come to a weak end all because we were trying to earn money but our debts send us straight to a Urn.
Our daily undertakings has us embalmed by a undertaker.
So can casting a spell to live be evil? And if so does it mean to have lived means that we have danced with the devil?
Because it’s starting to feel like this language belongs to him.
So take care with your words because our words are our sins.
But if we remove the S for the end of Sins and replace it with a G then our words will sing like Hymns.
As spells are cast using the cast of a film, we watch our favourite programmes while our minds are being programmed.
We are remotely controlled while holding in our hands the very remote control.
So please be careful when speaking, writing or playing with words because a slip of the tongue and a S will appear and an S before words can stab or cut deep.

Pain is to me,
As the salt is to sea,
Or the moon is to sky.
As there are nights with crescent,
and nights with full moon too.
But the thing that has never been 
in my sight,
is what I call a moonless night.

In time back before sunrise 
Before the bird realized a day
Just between the zigzag line end, the boring but hopeful story
The fading part of the year with two roads.

I made a mistake just like the regretting son bore out of wedlock 
Inventing my own world out of words, like telling the unnecessary story 
A vital mistake, for the hunter has forgotten his trap.

The spear has killed a bird but leave the nursing Chick unnoticed 
Cause the meaningless words was spoken 
The unrealized mistakes of the doctor takes lives 
The fear of darkness has faded the vision of light.

Oh, how desolated is the man being a king without insight 
The battle has ended before he made a battle call, the drum was late 
For he call family a stranger, friends he asked of identity 
I pity, for the strange hunter is now alike like a king.

Call to the sunrise for the birds are together 
Leave the hilarious story untold for the time might not be right 
Into the heart of the king the moon revolves 
The stars wait upon the sun, like a farmer upon the rain.

Good morning for the storm is over, the sun has risen to click the clock 
If only two sunset were withhold for mistakes to be corrected 
Two nations under the hidden natural history 
For there is wisdom from knowledge.

If the fool accepted the words of the one he called foolish 
Maybe his eyes wouldn’t have been blinded
A king with fear rules in the dark, just like the hunter that shoot in fear kill the leave
Again, maybe the proud king has not been told of distribution 
The end is near, it path in ruin in the direction of confusion 
For the direction of the race is where it started.

i told you things that i never said
words twisted in the silence of my head
the golden boy shining so bright 
every dreams fading with the light

you left me with the echoes of epiphany 
my worst regret, the saddest memory
and all i did was consider you
till you pushed me in the deepest blue

you had the wrong idea about me
shaping me in the way you wanted to see
called me in the midst of healing
striking the evermore haunting feeling

i knew it, i know you always
kept my writings as a hostage
and i am still in the cage you built
waiting you to blow the final hit

scattered white flags across the floor
my hand torn in between the doors
haunted by the look in my eyes 
that wanted to love you for what’s worth

In the heart of the city, where shadows collide,
An immortal raven takes to the skies,

With feathers like midnight, and eyes gleaming bright,
He soars through the chaos, a guardian of night.

Perched high on the rooftops, he surveys the scene,
Where the concrete jungles grow dark and mean,

He witnesses lives in their frantic embrace,
Each soul a mere flicker, a breath in the space.

The streets are a river of whispers and dreams,
Where neon lights flicker and silence screams,

He glides through the alleys where secrets are spun,
A watchful protector, the last of the sun.

He sees lovers entwined in the glow of despair,
Their promises echo like smoke in the air,

But time, like a thief, steals the warmth of their vow,
And leaves but a memory, a shadowed brow.

Through windows he peers at the laughter and pain,
The joy that erupts and the sorrow like rain,

In bars filled with stories, where hearts come to bleed,
He gathers the fragments of every lost need.

Each night is a tapestry woven in dark,
With threads of ambition and whispers of spark,

He watches the dreamers, the lost in their chase,
As they run through the night, seeking solace and grace.

In the flicker of streetlights, he dances with fate,
A specter of wisdom, a keeper of weight,

He knows every story, each wound that won’t heal,
For the city’s a canvas of hearts made of steel.

He flies over rooftops where shadows reside,
Where echoes of laughter and memories hide,

In parks where the children once played in delight,
Now silent and empty, shrouded in night.

He feels the pulse of the city’s despair,
The weight of the burdens, the cries in the air,

Yet within every sorrow, he sees a bright spark,
A flicker of hope in the depths of the dark.

He guides the lost souls through alleyways deep,
Where secrets are buried and silence can creep,

With a call that resonates, both haunting and clear,
He beckons the weary to draw ever near.

“Fear not, dear wanderers, I’ll show you the way,
Through shadows and trials, to the break of the day,

For I’ve seen the darkness that clouds every mind,
Yet I’ve tasted the light that the lost can still find.”

From rooftops of steel to the depths of despair,
He’s witnessed the stories that few ever share,

The dreams that were shattered, the hopes that have flown,
In the city of echoes, where hearts beat alone.

He remembers the lovers who danced in the rain,
The moments of laughter that turned into pain,

Yet through every heartbeat, he sees the refrain,
That life’s but a cycle of joy and of strain.

He carries their burdens, the weight of their cries,
A sentinel watching beneath endless skies,

With wings spread wide, he embraces the night,
A guardian of dreams, a flicker of light.

In whispers of wind, in the rustle of leaves,
He speaks of the stories that time never cleaves,

For the raven knows well that each life is a thread,
In the fabric of night, where the lost are not dead.

So heed the old legend when darkness descends,
Of the raven that watches as the city bends,

For he’s more than a shadow, more than a flight,
He’s the keeper of dreams in the heart of the night.

In the stillness of twilight, when silence takes hold,
He’ll guide you through shadows, through stories untold,

For in the dance of the raven, the message is clear:
Embrace every sorrow, and hold every tear.

In a world full of chaos, he’ll help you to see,
That even in darkness, your spirit can be free,

For the immortal raven, with wisdom and grace,
Is a protector and guide in this urban embrace.

The thought of yours,
And the mind is mine. 

The glimpse of yours,
And the sight is mine. 

The dream of yours,
And the sleep is mine. 

The essence of yours,
And the air is mine. 

The breath of yours,
And the existence is mine.

The heart of yours,
And the pulse is mine. 

The way of yours,
And the steps are mine. 

The wish of yours,
And the prayer is mine. 

The tear of yours,
And the eyes are mine. 

The lyrics of yours,
And the melody is mine. 

The pen of yours,
And the poetry is mine.

But…..

The reality of yours,
And the fantasy is mine. 

And,

Everything of yours,
That would never be mine

Pale barked trees bend 
their knees with the winds
whistling tunes of the lakes sins.
Desolate shadows of sun 
streak the snow packed pavement as
snow creeps on windowpanes like boots cracking on spring’s ice.
The frozen sky, the colour of sullen silver, 
shrouds above the lake like icing.
Fawns step out in a whisper 
ferreting last fall’s forage.
Their tracks fill with flurrying flakes 
as they veil and lurk back into
the hemlock and birch.
Frolicking their frozen fur like 
Phantoms.

It is hard for me sometimes,
To just smile and say, “I am fine.”
To lie and say, “It’s nothing.”
To hide this pain in my chest
To wait for everyone to leave
So that I can finally breathe
So that I can let out a sigh
So that my heart can find a way
To release the ache and discomfort
Through the eyes as it flows out.

I wish sometimes I could just say,
“No, I’m not okay.”
Or maybe, “It hurts so much.”
I wish I could say,
“No, I do not understand.”
Or maybe, “I think something is wrong with me.”
I wish I could wail and cry,
Ask for help, yell out loud
“Help me I am drowning.”
Or just, “Save me please.”

I just don’t want to be ashamed,
And to ask the doubts that cloud my mind
I just don’t want to be scared,
And tell me to shut up.
I just want not to be anxious,
And hesitate in making a decision.
I just not want to be in pain anymore,
And be okay again.