My physical appearance has been the subject of unpleasant comments for most of my life. Sadly, this has not just been in the playground where it might be expected but at work, at social events, by people I know and strangers.

• I was told that if I lost weight, I’d be happier – when I weighed less than six stone, I was anything but happy. 
• I was told I’d be more attractive if I got a sun tan – I don’t tan; I burn (the joys of fair skin and Scottish roots).
• I was told I’d look sexier if I wore high heels as I’d look taller – high heels hurt my feet and legs. They can be damaging in the long run. 
• If I wore contact lenses, I’d get a man – glasses work for me. 

For some time, these comments played a part in solidifying my feelings of what I can only describe as a feeling of internal repulsion. It was like my heart, soul, and mind were disgusting. Now, I was getting confirmation that my physical appearance was just as horrific as the rest of me. I couldn’t see it myself when I looked in the mirror, but the replays of the comments in my mind kept overruling what my eyes saw. Lots of people said it, so it must be true. I did my best to “suck it up” or ignore it, but I couldn’t. I was unappealing, I was unlovable, I was not worthy of love.

When something is said repeatedly to you, especially by those important to you, it’s natural to wonder if they’re right and assimilate on some level. Sadly, this can become detrimental to your health. One of the saddest things about these comments, on reflection, is that some of the people saying them genuinely thought they were being helpful. They had no idea of the impact what they were saying might have. Some of them were probably repeating comments that were said to them. 

I know now that they were not right, and neither was my distorted perception of myself. 

There are times when a comment like the ones I’ve mentioned still hurts when I’m feeling low, however, I then remember three important things:

• I am worthy of love.
• I am loved.
• My appearance does not denote my worthiness.

With time, hard work, and the right support, I was able to get out of that mindset. 

There will always be aspects of your appearance that you don’t like. However, none of this denotes your worthiness. 

If you’ve ever found yourself telling someone to change their appearance to satisfy someone or achieve happiness, please don’t. You don’t know what fire you may be stoking. Also, think about whether you’d be happy if someone said that to you. 

If you’ve been receiving these types of comments, you are more than the sum of your appearance. If you’re struggling, please find the help and support you need. 

WRITTEN BY LORNA SMART

BLOGGER @POEMSTELLIUM

INSTAGRAM @LORNASMARTWORDCRAFTER

LINKEDIN:WWW.LINKEDIN.COM/IN/LORNASMARTWORDCRAFTER/