Trigger warning – mentions self-harm and eating disorders.
There were many times when I desperately needed to speak about the pain I was in but due to the amount of negative experiences I’d had with doing so in the past, every time I opened my mouth, the words wouldn’t come. I was emotionally struck dumb. This psychological lump in my throat was making things much worse and after a while, I kept my mouth shut.
However, on a subconscious level, I was still trying to tell people how I felt. Though both my eating disorder and self-harm served as both punishments and pain relief, I’ve also come to realise that they were also ways of reaching out to others. I generally hurt myself in places where others wouldn’t easily see but, this was not always the case. My tactics for avoiding food and hiding my weight loss were not going to work forever. Somewhere in my mind, there was still hope that the person who noticed would be someone who cared despite my previous experiences.
It is not always what people say that tells you how they are feeling. There is a long-held belief that actions speak louder than words. Though this is not entirely true, as words can be just as helpful and destructive as actions, I do think people focus too much only on what is being said and not on how someone is behaving.
No definitive or comprehensive list of signs or behaviours exists that will tell you for sure that someone is in mental distress and needs your support because people respond to events, feelings and environments. However, it doesn’t mean your concern for a loved one is futile. Some mental health providers and support services provide a list of some potential signs that someone is struggling with their mental health. They also have advice on how to support someone who is struggling with their mental health. I will put links to a couple at the bottom of this post.
It can be daunting and frightening to reach out to someone who you believe is struggling. What if you’re wrong? What if you say the wrong thing and make it worse? What if they hit out at you (emotionally or physically)? Please get advice and support for yourself if you need it. You do not need to do this alone either. If you can, I implore you, please do reach out to them.
Mental health issues are isolating and may make someone feel trapped and alone. I treasured every single person who reached out to me and genuinely wanted to be there to support me, no matter how clunky or unsure their approach was. Sometimes, knowing that they were there, not judging me and not dictating to me, was enough to get me further forward on my journey. It reminded me that no matter how isolated and alone I might feel, it wasn’t true.
Whether you are struggling, supporting someone, or wondering how to support someone, you are not alone. I walk beside you.
Links
http://www.mindwell-leeds.org.uk
WRITTEN BY LORNA SMART
BLOGGER @POEMSTELLIUM
INSTAGRAM @LORNASMARTWORDCRAFTER
LINKEDIN:WWW.LINKEDIN.COM/IN/LORNASMARTWORDCRAFTER/
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