The run-up to Christmas can be a stressful time of year, especially if you’re already struggling. 

Christmas is not compulsory, no matter what the media and social expectations would have us believe. There’s so much pressure to conform to the prescribed joviality, parties, and buying presents that you can’t afford; it’s no wonder that some people comply, despite the extra strain. The pressure often comes from colleagues, friends, and loved ones. Some are easier to ignore, but others are much harder and, for some, impossible. 

Why, I hear you ask?

I’ll use some of my experiences as examples. 

Grief

It has been some years since the deaths of my sister, brother, and mother. In my experience, grief never leaves. Grief sits in the background, waiting for a chance to stab you in the heart. Both my sister and mother loved Christmas. My mother threw herself into preparations such as making decorations with my father, ensuring all the ingredients were in for the main meal, and buying the presents many months in advance (something I also do).

My grief was complicated. I had complex relationships with all three of them. Not surprisingly, these difficulties often flared up more during that time of the year.

Guilt

I felt guilty for being unhappy at a time that was about joy. I felt like I was selfish because I couldn’t put my feelings on hold. 

I felt guilty because I thought I was dragging others down. I couldn’t hide my pain for a few weeks. I’d been faking happiness for far too long already, which was part of the reason I was in such a mess in the first place. I’d got beyond the point where I could keep doing so and still stay alive. 

Other people added to my guilt. Some of them knew what was going on in my life. They would call me Scrooge or Grinch. I would feel pressured to attend Christmas parties and participate in other festive activities. I would end up miserable and stressed.

Convention 

I already felt like a freakish outsider, and my inability to turn my pain and struggles off made this worse. Having emotional blackmailing advertisements rammed down my throat didn’t make this easier. As a natural people-pleaser, this magnified both my guilt and the pressure I felt from social conventions and expectations.

If you’ve teased someone because of this, please don’t. Think about how you would feel if someone was doing this to you. No one likes having unnecessary pressure put upon them. 

If you struggle at this time of year, it is ok to have boundaries. It is ok to discard Christmas completely. It’s ok to reach out for help and support if you need it. You are also not alone in feeling that way at this time of year. You don’t have to put a mask on for others. Your feelings and needs are as valid as everyone else’s.

I may never meet you, but I walk beside you.~

WRITTEN BY LORNA SMART

BLOGGER @POEMSTELLIUM

INSTAGRAM @LORNASMARTWORDCRAFTER

LINKEDIN:WWW.LINKEDIN.COM/IN/LORNASMARTWORDCRAFTER/