One of the things that heralded a major positive change in my mental health was being able to accept my pain. That might sound like an odd thing to say. If you’re in pain, you’re in pain.

Yes, that’s correct.

However, western society has a long history (and sadly, it is still the case far too much) of teaching its inhabitants to “suck up” their pain or to ignore it, be it physical or psychological pain. Before I left primary school, I was already aware of the consequences of not doing this.

So, at the age of eight, I started ignoring my pain, pushing it into the corners of my mind.

It didn’t stay there. I felt guilty and worthless when it would escape. Occasionally, I’d risk reaching out, only to be reminded of the rules.

It made me very sick.

I was in my late teens when I started to find people who didn’t shun me or get angry at me for being ill. Their support was great and started me on the road to looking again for professional help (sadly, my previous attempts at getting help had not gone well). In the end, I had to turn to the private sector and even there, it took a long time to find a therapist who was fully accepting and aligned with me. I was in my thirties when I did.

So, what do I mean by accepting my pain?

Because I’d repressed my painful experiences for so long, I’d never had the chance to process them and deal with the fallout. In the six years that I saw my therapist, I had the time and space to acknowledge what I’d been through, feel the pain of these experiences, and start healing from them.

Not only did I accept my pain, I realised that I had every right to my feelings and to be able to express them without fear or guilt. It was not an easy journey, but the pain and struggle were worth it. I came away with better coping mechanisms and a better understanding of myself.

Since then, I’ve had a few bouts of poor mental health, but they have never been as bad as those I had previously. I recognise what’s happening and take the actions needed to resolve it. I know that the internal monologue that still tries to get me to ignore it is an old, unhealthy mechanism, so it doesn’t take hold the same way as before.

To anyone else out there who is in a position similar to mine, please keep trying to find the support and help you need. Acknowledge and accept your pain; it is part of you.  You have a right to your feelings. It is not a weakness to need outside help. We’re not indestructible or infallible; we’re human.

You are not alone. We may never meet, but I walk beside you on your journey.

WRITTEN BY LORNA SMART

BLOGGER @POEMSTELLIUM

INSTAGRAM @LORNASMARTWORDCRAFTER

LINKEDIN:WWW.LINKEDIN.COM/IN/LORNASMARTWORDCRAFTER/