Trigger warning – brief mentions of self-harm and eating disorders.

We all struggle with our sense of self-worth from time to time. When we care for someone, we want to be there for that person. Understandably, we get frustrated when we cannot be there. However, when this feeling seeps so far into our psyche that we end up with a distorted view of ourselves that affects our health, then it becomes a serious problem with potentially fatal consequences.

I felt that way for many years. This mindset was the hardest one to recognise and manage. I was a letdown to not only my family and loved ones but society as a whole. It still kicks my backside at times, but the difference is that now I recognise it for what it is and can deal with it before it becomes a major issue.

The feeling of inadequacy was nourishment for my depression. Depression can make the most self-confident and resilient person feel like a worthless waste of space. So you can imagine what it would do to someone feeling that way already. It became a megaphone for all of my negative thoughts and feelings, screaming day and night at me about how pathetic, worthless and useless I was. I couldn’t shut it off.

It was hard for those around me then to understand how I could hate myself so much. My friends saw me as I was and not through the twisted mirror of my mind. They could not relate to me on that level and, unfortunately, some of them resorted to unhelpful comments. The distortions showed on my body over time. I got thinner and had more “accidents” that resulted in cuts. I got very good at hiding what was going on.

I can’t give an exact time or date when things started to change for me, but I can say that it was in no small part due to a different set of people in my life who understood what I was going through. They saw through my deceptions. They never told me I was being silly or to suck it up. They supported me with love and encouragement to find my way out of this hell. I was encouraged to keep fighting for the professional help that I needed. Eventually, I got some of it.

You are enough. You don’t need to be everything to everyone. Also, you only need to be enough for yourself. If other people don’t like you or your lifestyle, that’s their prerogative. It does not mean that something is wrong with you that needs changing.

You are the one who has to live with yourself, not them. If you’re struggling, please reach out and get the support you need, whether from friends, loved ones or professionals.

You are not a waste of space or a burden. You matter. You are also not alone. I will never meet you, but I walk beside you.

WRITTEN BY LORNA SMART

BLOGGER @POEMSTELLIUM

INSTAGRAM @LORNASMARTWORDCRAFTER

LINKEDIN:WWW.LINKEDIN.COM/IN/LORNASMARTWORDCRAFTER/