“Stop being such a girl!”

It makes my blood boil when I hear or read this, and the many variations of it said to anyone. It stings even more when I hear it said to children. I don’t understand why this attitude is still doing the rounds. Why do we want to raise our children to believe such nonsense? Surely, by now, we should know that teaching people to repress their feelings is damaging and can end up being fatal. So, why on earth do we still do it? Is the great British stiff upper lip still to blame, or are we just scared of dealing with our feelings so we don’t want anyone else to?

Here’s the thing. Feelings and struggles are not female-only things. Men have feelings, too. Everyone gets scared, hurt, upset, etc. It is part of the human condition and nothing that anyone should make others feel ashamed of. There’s nothing abnormal about needing the support of others, professional or otherwise. If there were, then we’d never make friends with anyone.

Being female is not a weakness, and yet that is what statements like this imply, especially when said by men to other men. Having said that, I’ve heard women say this to both men and women. You’d think that given all the years that women have been seen by society as weak, fragile, wild and silly creatures that either need to be handled with kid gloves or with a thump every now and then to keep us in line, this is the last thing a woman would do to someone else.

Please remember:

Men cry.

Men get hurt.

Men get frightened.

Men struggle.

Men get depressed.

Men die by suicide.

Men need help and support sometimes.

Men get lonely.

None of this makes them any less of a man.

Men are human.

No one needs to man up.

Imagine what it would be like if, instead of shaming each other for having feelings or struggling, we showed compassion, empathy, and kindness. That’s the type of society that I want to be a part of, and I believe it can be achieved. It won’t be easy or fast, but it can be done. Hundreds, if not thousands, of years of conditioning, cannot be undone overnight.

My belief that we can change the narrative is part of the reason why I share my experiences with my mental health struggles, and why I’m open about how I have felt and how I am feeling. I believe that education, and I don’t just mean in the classroom, though that would be a great place to start, is one of the best ways to reduce these unhelpful and damaging attitudes. I hope that sharing my experiences forms part of that education. The other main reason is that it provides release and clarity for me.

If we don’t turn the tide, then more people, especially men, will suffer and die needlessly. Is that really what we want?

I hope not.