As another year draws to a close and I embark on advancing another year (my birthday is in January), I find myself reflecting on the last twelve months, like many others. I’m not where I started the year, neither physically nor emotionally. There have, thankfully, been more steps forward than backwards. Every experience has taught me something, quite often, something about myself.

2023 has been a year when I put myself first. My feelings and needs matter, as do yours.We cannot run on empty, and no one should expect us to.

I walked away from a job that was damaging my health. What was more important was that I didn’t feel the need to hide how I was feeling. Who was going to benefit from me doing that (yet again)? The employer would in the short term, but neither of us in the long term.

I had several honest conversations with my team leader, and we worked together to see if making some changes would improve things. Sadly, they didn’t, but there were no hard feelings on either side. I respect them a lot for listening and trying to help. I felt guilty, but unlike before, I didn’t beat myself up about it. No job or person is worth damaging your health for.

I’ve taken more time out for myself this year, listened to what my body and mind have been telling me and refused to run on empty. I’ve finally accepted that I cannot be all things to all people, and what they think of me doesn’t matter. I’m the one living my life, not them.

I’ve made progress with my freelance business. A couple of clients have returned, and I’ve had some new ones. There have been trials and tribulations, but I have learnt from them.These lessons will help me grow as a person and a business over the coming years.

Does all this mean that I’ve got everything sorted and I will never struggle with my mental health again? Does this mean I’ve become a self-serving, selfish so-and-so?

No, it doesn’t.

What does it mean then?

It means that I’m building a life that fits me better, identifying and dealing with any early signs of problems to prevent them from worsening; I’m developing healthier coping mechanisms and not compromising my boundaries. I’ve realised that caring for myself is essential and not something that only selfish people do, and needing support or help does not make me weak.

I will still falter occasionally; old mechanisms will try (and sometimes succeed) to raise their heads. However, I now have the insight to deal with this when it happens and get support and help when needed.

No one has it all sorted; no one goes through life without faltering, and no one goes through life without needing support or help.

We are not perfect. We are human.

Written By Lorna Smart

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